The angriest dog in the world

[Someone here said they liked the Fire Joe Morgan style of analysis I did. I like that too, so I'm doing this, even though it's not strictly treason. I started this as a way to deal with the crap I see from the birthers, and I think this still falls under that category. I don't even know who Joe Morgan is. I stole this style from Sadly, No!, who do have Fire Joe Morgan on their blogroll. --Ed.]

Rob Lamb wrote an Open letter to Eric (beeping) Holder
Posted on February 20th, 2009 by David-Crockett

I know what you're thinking. (bleeping) means fucking, right? In fact, careful analysis suggests that the term is not fucking. I'll leave you to figure out what it is.

Coward? You say that I am a coward? SCREW YOU.

Aww, how cute! Ron Lamb shows that the biggest words can come from the littlest penis of all.

Years ago, while one day opening my business, I was robbed at gunpoint by four BLACK men of thousands of dollars, and I was shot in the chest.

Apparently, he was robbed by very stupid criminals, who rob a store in the morning, i.e. when the store has no money. A store that has thousands of dollars in the morning isn't necessarily raking in the dough, but if you need more than $2000 in the morning, you'll probably have at least ten large by noon. I used to work as a cashier for a news stand, and each day, I started with $250 in the drawer. For an eight hour shift, I'd usually make a drop of no less than $500 once a shift--often I'd have them drop $1000 or more. At three registers and more in the safe in the back, we probably started each day with $1000 and left each day with $10,000--probably closer to $20,000 since we did Western Union and that money didn't go into out till.

Unless, of course, they were four crazed junkies who needed money for their next fix and were willing to stake out this guy's store and wait until morning but not to wait until later in the day when the business would actually have some real money.

The four men were caught, but never accused, never arraigned, never tried, never forced to repay what they stole from me, never required to help with my medical bills, and they sure as hell didn‘t pay my mortgage.

In addition, they were never brought to civil court and ordered to pay damages to this guy because he's a nice guy and decided not to press charges. Psst, Rob! In order to get damages, you have to sue them. Also, this case is an attorney's wet dream. Even Lionel Hutz could sleepwalk through such a case. About the only way that I could see you losing such a case would be to hire the auto expert from the car wax infomercials who sets fire to the hoods of cars and who is also a master chef in the cookware infomercials.



Above: I cannot guarantee that he would win your case.

But I tried to keep my little business afloat, to pay the bills for my very young family. I ended up with thousands of dollars in medical bills, thousands more in bills from the business, I could not pay back. We lost our home, we lost automobiles, we lost everything but our family, and our dignity, because

because you didn't know that lawyers (and especially personal injury lawyers) don't need retainers and often work on a contingency basis?

because I eventually repaid everybody.

Oh! So close.

But the cowards got off scot free.

because Rob refused to sue them.

NO, HOLDER, THE COWARD IS YOU.

The tiniest penis of all is hard! And big! Well, OK. Maybe not big, but certainly hard! Rob suffers from feelings of inadequacy, and he will use everything he can to convince you that his is not the tiniest penis of all!

All of you have been made aware that there is a huge issue with Soetoro’s legitimacy to hold the office of President.

He's got a point. I mean, Soetoro can't be president. I hear there's some other guy named Barack Hussein Obama that they got to do the job.

The cowardice that comes from the too many millions of people who do not have the intestinal fortitude to pay attention in school, work hard, do the right things in life, get a job, any job, stand up for themselves, and start their lives with heads held high; instead they blame drugs, alcohol

Rob, Rob! Yoo-hoo! You're kinda getting off the topic, such as it was. Do you have a point, or at the very least, a theme? This diatribe, it's going to be shorter than the speech from Atlas Shrugged, right? Please?

and a vile, contemptible, loathsome system which has been gone for over a hundred and forty years.

Ah! You do have a theme. Let me see if I have this right.

Holder is a coward. Holder is a coward because he did not pay attention in school. Attorney General Holder does not have a job. Holder also has not started his life with his head held high. Holder blames the fact that he doesn't have a job on the fact that he uses drugs and alcohol. He also blames this on the fact that his ancestors were slaves in the United States.

Do, um...do I have that right?

Millions of Americans of all colors do the right thing every day, but there are far too many who use the cowardice of ‘injustice’ to write off all their lack of self esteem.

If anything says lack of self-esteeem, it has to be the office of Attorney General.

Injustice? Sure, there are still injustices. Just remember, I received no ‘justice.’

Because you refused to sue the imaginary people who fake shot you to fake steal thousands of imaginary dollars from your phantom business.

TAKE YOUR COWARDICE AND SHOVE IT.

The littlest penis of all demands attention! Rob is mad and he will stand here looking petulant until the world grovels at his feet!

You can read the rest. It's really not worth it.